Singaporebrides | Relationships
September 2020
By Audrie Soh
Do fights during your wedding planning mean you and your beau are not meant to be?
You’ve said ‘Yes!’ and you’re oh-so-ready to get your wedding planning started so you can march off into your happily-ever-after with the man whom you are so in love with. Except, you’ve noticed that you and your fiancé have been fighting non-stop over your wedding plans since you started and you’re starting to wonder if it is a sign of your incompatibility.
If that sounds like you, we’re here to reassure you that firstly, no, your wedding fights are not a sign of your incompatibility and secondly, you’re not alone. The wedding planning phase is a highly stressful period for both the bride and groom as they try to plan the biggest social gathering of their lives and it is actually very common for couples to succumb to fights over wedding plans during this period of time. To alert you to and help you out of these arguments, we’ve listed the top eight wedding planning fights most engaged couples will encounter before their wedding and how you can deal with them.
1. The Wedding Budget
Weddings in Pictures: Elegance with a Touch of Vintage by Tinydot Photography
Money has always been a contentious topic and as much as you and your groom-to-be love each other, you will not be spared from money troubles during your wedding planning. You may be willing to splurge on your wedding but your beau doesn’t see the need to on a one-day affair, and when that happens, you might be tempted to throw out the ‘you don’t love me enough’ card.
To avoid getting into arguments over money, make it a point to discuss how much you are willing to spend on the wedding and come to a compromise beforeyou begin searching for a venue and vendors. Whatever decisions or compromise you make, it is important for both of you to be on the same page to prevent any arguments in the present or future from happening. Remember, how much you spend on your wedding is not a representation of how successful your wedding or marriage is, so learn to give and take – your wedding will still be as perfect and beautiful even if you didn’t get your way.
2. Wedding Expectations
Calista and Christopher’s Beautiful Wedding at Tirtha Uluwatu Bali by Iluminen
You’ve always wanted a big celebration at a grand hotel ballroom with all the glitz and glamour but your man expects the wedding to be an intimate one with close friends and family only. Both of you expect your version of the wedding to happen and neither of you is giving in.
Before you get swept away by your emotions, try to remember that regardless of the wedding expectations you or your fiancé have, your wedding will still be a great one even if you don’t get to realise your dream wedding – unless it is related to your religion or culture. In that case, sit down with your beloved and work things out calmly and level-headedly. At the end of the day, whether you get your way or not has no implications on how your soon-to-be other half feels for you and what your marriage is going to be like.
3. You or Your Partner’s Involvement in The Wedding Planning
Lowee and Shawn’s Cosy and Dreamy Botanical Themed Solemnisation at Grub at Bishan Park by Smittenpixels Photography
It is no secret that grooms-to-be are not as involved in the wedding planning as brides-to-be, and the most common reason why the men are contented being in the backseat is because he wants his beloved to have her dream wedding so he allows her to have all the say in the wedding planning.
While that may sound like a very sweet and romantic gesture, many brides-to-be view their grooms-to-be’s non-involvement in a less positive light. To you, his laid-back or ‘Whatever you want’ manner might seem like he doesn’t care about the wedding as much as you do, and you might think that is a refection of how much they care about your relationship. However, that might not be the case.
It is very common for the men to take less interest in the nitty-gritty details of the wedding because their end goal is to marry you, not how they marry you. So, if you man seems disinterested in discussing the colour of your table linens or what kind of illustration your wedding invites should be in, don’t take offence or be angry over it. If you want their involvement, you can ask them which area of the wedding planning they’d like to be in charge of, or if they have no preference, you can assign them a task to be responsible for.
4. The Overly-Opinionated Groom-to-Be
Elizabeth and Chong Jun’s Spontaneous Solemnisation Ceremony at The Fullerton Hotel Singapore by Caline Ng Photography
Imagine how happy you were when you found out how excited and ready-to-be-involved your fiancé was when you started talking about your wedding planning – until he wants a modern, minimalist wedding theme at a glamorous 5-star hotel instead of the outdoor floral romance that you have dreamt of since you were a little girl.
While it is great to have a groom-to-be who wants to be involved in the wedding planning, it also means that you’ll have to learn how to share the power and decision-making with him. It is no longer a case of ‘do whatever you want’ but a ‘listen about what the other person wants or feels and come to a happy compromise’. How you handle this shared responsibility on decision-making will reflect on how you and your fiancé will handle conflicts or a similar situation in your married life in the future.
5. Family Obligations and Expectations
Rustic and Whimsical Wedding at The Stables by Mindy Tan Photography
It’s only natural for your family and in-laws to be over the moon after learning of your engagement, and offer to help you with planning the wedding by being involved in it. While their intentions come from a good place, it may not necessarily be welcomed.
Make it clear to your fiancé at the get-go about how much parents and in-laws’ involvement you want in your wedding planning and come to a mutual agreement. If both of you have agreed to keep their involvement to the minimum, then stick to your guns and don’t let your parents or in-laws guilt-trip you into having their way. You can also drop subtle hints or inform them politely that while you appreciate their suggestions and offers of help, you would like to experience the whole process of planning a wedding on your own.
6. The Wedding Guest List
Samantha and Dwayne’s Magical JW Marriott Wedding by Pixioo Photography
Whether it is deciding on how many people you and your fiancé get to invite to the wedding or deciding how you are going to seat your guests, the wedding guest list is another area that has been a point of contention and catalyst for arguments for many couples.
Decide amongst yourselves how you are going to split the headcount between your sets of family and friends, and stick to it. If your parents insist on you inviting their colleagues from work even though they are aware that you have a limited head count for your guest list, gently explain to them that close family and your friends will have priority over your parents’ work colleagues who you may not have met or know very well.
7. The Wedding Venue
Joymarie and Mackenzie’s Fun, Tropical Bali Wedding by Apel Photography
You may have dreamt of tying the knot on a beach somewhere in Bali with a romantic sunset in the background but a destination wedding is not what your fiancé had in mind or budgeted for. When you try to reason why a destination wedding would be worth splurging on and he won’t have any of it, you may be tempted to lose it and start an argument.
Well, don’t. Firstly, although where you get married at is important, it is also equally important to respect your partner’s wishes. Your fiancé might be trying to keep the wedding spending trim so that he can splurge on your honeymoon or new home, and a destination wedding simply won’t allow him to do so.
Try to see where he is coming from and come to a compromise. Perhaps an outdoor wedding at a venue by the beach or facing the sea in Singapore would do the trick of satisfying your dreams of a romantic beach wedding and his desire for a local wedding venue. Remember, at the end of the day, your wedding is a one-day affair while your marriage lasts a lifetime, so try to look at the bigger picture instead of focusing on details that may not be that important in the future.
8. The ‘Anything and Everything’ Arguments
Calista and Christopher’s Big and Gorgeous Wedding at Raffles Hotel Jakarta by Iluminen
Wedding planning is a highly stressful process. Between squeezing your wedding planning and shopping into your already busy lifestyle and trying to organise and coordinate the biggest social gathering you’ve ever hosted in your life, tension will rise and tempers will flare over the slightest thing your partner does wrong – and it doesn’t even need to be wedding related.
If you find yourselves bickering over the smallest things during your wedding planning, take heart that it doesn’t mean that you and your fiancé are incompatible or that your relationship is doomed. Almost every soon-to-be-wed couple will fight over nothing and everything during their wedding planning journey, so don’t be alarmed if you find your usually mild-mannered beau to be extremely irritable with you during this period of time.
What you can do is to take a step back from your wedding planning and take a break. Go on a date or go for a workout together with your love, and talk about anything and everything under the sun – except for your wedding plans. When your minds are clear and your hearts are happier, you can then resume talking about your big day and work out any issues rationally. Ultimately, fights about your wedding will pass and be forgotten, so don’t let it bring you down.
Feature Image from Amelia and William’s Dreamy Destination Pre-Wedding Adventure in Indonesia by Fire, Wood & Earth
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