Like you, I’ve been through some stressful and all-consuming trials in my life. When my oldest son was born we found out that he had a rare liver disease. The first year of his life was a lesson for me in all the things I’d never say to someone going through a crisis.
This list is not exhaustive; I welcome your comments! But it will get you started in case you get tongue-tied in the face of tragedy or want to be helpful but don’t feel equipped with the right words.
Let me know if there is anything I can do. What you are really saying here is, I hope you don't ask. Most of us don't want to be a burden and we do our best to carry our own problems. I don't like to ask for help. That’s probably a weakness on my part but if you offer something specific I won’t turn you down.
Instead of saying, let me know if there is anything I can do, please take the initiative and do it. Find out when the family will return from the hospital and be there with dinner. Place the money in the envelope and slide it under their door. Grab a friend and a mop and go over and clean. Don't wait to be asked.
